Things that go "BOOORK" in the Night

Livestock Guardian - in training (Ned)

Besides being “kidding season” again it’s also MOUNTAIN LION season again. God dammit. In the past two years, we have lost three baby goats to mountain lions that roam the open space behind my house. It’s more than open space, actually, it’s the frickin’ “Mountain Lion Highway." 

My house backs up to a creek that is the lucky recipient of $700,000+ to fix it up so that the fishies can swim once again. Over the decades, a few barriers have impeded water flow. But, I gotta tell you, even after spending all that money, there is still not a single drop of water in this creek from May – November. I guess the fish are … somewhere else?

Anyway, a local land trust has been gobbling up land around this creek to make it a wildlife corridor as well as a fish habitat. And what a corridor it is. My little goat farm is just like a fast food drive-through for the felines.

I refer you back to my TWO posts ("Predator and Prey Part I" and "Livestock Dogs") about my personal run in with the mountain lion eating my goat 50’ away from my house – on the far bank of this "wildlife corridor" creek.

Mhysa and Ned

But why should I personally worry about it? I’m not a menu item in the goat-drive-through restaurant. Or am I? In the last twenty years, there have been 13 or 14 mountain lion attacks on humans in California (the reports are consistent). Only three were fatal. Phew. I feel better, don’t you? “Sure, kids, go play in the creek. (Just take the dog with you....)"

As a result of that mountain lion sighting, I raised my fences another 3', added an electric fence at the top, and purchased livestock guardian dogs. I like the following approach better, though… Maybe next.

Armed and Dangerous

Recently (March 2016) there has been a lot of talk about Mountain Lions in my neck of the woods. A researcher has started placing cameras around the woods (and creek) and putting GPS collars on the cats to learn more about them. Specifically, he wants to “shed light on how these cats are moving through the local landscape, and coexisting alongside humans and development.” 

Nom Nom Nom

In fact, one of those cameras captured this image  (left) of a mountain lion eating a deer near my house. REALLY NEAR my house. I annotated the following map to show my house, where I saw the mountain lion eat my goat last year (the paw on the left), where the recent (March 2016) picture was taken (paw on the right), and where the creek is…

Last November, about 6 months after the mountain lion ate my goat “Cookie,” another camera captured this photo of a mama cougar and her two babies (right). Hmmm. When the tracker came out to “depredate” the animal, he found evidence that it was a mother and two babies. I bet this is a photo of the goat-eaters!! Grrr.

Ultimately, the researcher hopes to “inspire some of us [emphasis added] to be better neighbors rather than adversaries.” Ahem. He admits he has never actually seen a mountain lion in person. Well, buddy, come to my house then we can talk about being neighborly.

OK, enough, AG. Stop being so bitter. 

As you can tell, mountain lions really get my goat (hahaha punny). But really. Just thinking about them sends me into a full-fledged PTSD moment reliving my encounter with the mountain lion last April: flashlight in hand, muscles tensed and ready to leap over the creek in a single bound with my magical clogs… or not.

But wait, one more point and then I’ll get on with this post. I love wildlife and nature as much as the next person, don’t get me wrong. But, I am fully within my legal rights to obtain a depredation permit if a mountain lion kills my goats:

California Fish & Game Code 4802: Any person, or the employee or agent of a person, whose livestock or other property is being or has been injured, damaged, or destroyed by a mountain lion may report that fact to the department and request a permit to take the mountain lion.

OK, I’ll move on now. Really.

So, back to my story: I was sound asleep in bed a few nights ago when my cell phone RANG. Not texted. But the PHONE part of it rang. Who uses the phone anymore?! I picked it up pronto, and it was Katherine. Her bedroom is just downstairs… why is she calling me?? IS IT A MOUNTAIN LION???!

“MOM! There are people at the front gate!!”

What the hell? Not a mountain lion?

The dog had been barking ferociously at the front gate for some time (an hour Katherine says, but that seems long), so Katherine had gone out to check on the baby goats and the mega-pregnant goats that were in a pen right next to the gate.

OK, not so ferocious here

She saw car headlights, which quickly flicked off, and then she saw people coming towards the gate with a lantern. At that point, she locked herself in the barn and called me frantically on her cell phone. Meanwhile, the dog was going ballistic.

Super Mom to the rescue! After last year’s mountain lion episode, one would think I would have had the sense to grab a rifle on my way out the door. Or at least wake up David, who was sound asleep next to me. Or perhaps call the police? Hmm.

I LOVE THIS PHOTO (Rustyroof25, imgur)

Nope. Just me and my trusty flashlight marching up the driveway (in my clogs and bathrobe again, too). Ready for battle.

I live in a relatively remote area. Not totally the sticks, mind you, but we do not get evening visitors. Especially not at midnight.

The dog saw me coming and came “borking” up to me in a fury. She backed down when she realized it was me, and turned back to the gate. At first I didn’t see anyone, and Katherine peeked her head out the barn door. 

Then I saw jeans and work boots. “Crap. It really is a person,” I thought.

I followed the legs up to the top of the person, and saw a long scruffy beard (think ZZ Top) and a white man in his 40s. He started explaining that “they” had a flat tire, and could I lend “them” a star tire iron.

“Who is WE?” I wondered. Then I saw a woman standing behind him, looking wary of my crazed dog. The dog did not let up for a minute. Good girl.

“We were walking into town to the Lodge and we saw your lights,” he explained.

My gut screamed “NOOO!” at me. He didn’t seem drunk or high, but something was … not right. 

GRRR

Who doesn’t have a cell phone these days? What TWO people don’t have a cell phone between them? Where was the car? If you know the area well enough to know that there’s a motel half a mile down the road, then wouldn’t you know that there’s a fire station a quarter of a mile down the road? Why would you turn the headlights AND lantern off when you saw a person?

The dog was still barking and pressing herself up against the gate. Her gut said, “NOOO”, too. (Ned was barking, too – guard dog in training).

I have been known to give people the benefit of the doubt in similarly freaky situations. Like that time Katherine and I got lost with the trailer in Plumas National Forest, and I let a total stranger drive my Suburban with my KIDS IN IT to turn my trailer around… (see "Looking Back")

Not this time. “Move along,” I snarled. Grr. Beware of my flashlight…I know how to use it (not).

What's in the barn...

Somewhere in this interaction, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the children had not replaced the lock on the person gate after the last time they took the trashcans out to the street. The bearded menace could’ve pushed open the unlocked gate very, very easily. But he didn’t know that. Good thing.

He and his lady friend turned around and walked back to the road, at which point Katherine leapt out of the barn and locked the gate quick as you please. 

I marched back up to the house, and the dog barked at the gate for another hour or so. She has great stamina.

I crawled back in bed, and David mumbled from his sleep that I should have offered to call the police to come help them with their flat tire. Brilliant! I should’ve taken him with me down the driveway!!! 

Let’s talk about that for a moment. I have been called both stubborn and pigheaded before--many times. I usually (always?) take matters into my own hands without asking for anyone’s help. It’s easier that way. I don’t do well with “group projects” either.


For example, a month after I split up from my now-ex-husband, I awoke one early morning to the sound of a bat flying circles around my bed. I screeched and dove under the covers. While I was stewing under the covers and feeling very sorry for myself, I wished that my (ex) husband had been there to exterminate the stupid bat. It was at that precise moment that I had a stunning epiphany: if my ex had been there, he would have made ME get out of bed to go take care of the bat. Shazam! 

NOT MY HOUSE, but it looked like this - with ONE bat, though

Just do it.

Back to our bearded menace story. I crawled back in bed, adrenaline pumping. Thoughts racing.

Fortunately, I was not on hold! 

After David’s comment, it finally dawned on me, “Police! Yes, yes, call the police!” Duh. I dialed 9-1-1 from my landline (yup, I still have a land line), and the dispatcher sent a cruiser to drive by my property. My tax dollars at work.

I see that my story has taken a weird turn from mountain lion attacks to dangerous people at my front gate. I take great comfort in knowing that my goofy, white, fluffy dog protects me from both of these evils. 

Guard Dog Extraordinaire

Five years ago, even after I had been living in this area for a while, I could not have predicted this situation of single-handedly confronting a stranger at my gate at midnight. (Or watching a mountain lion eat my goat for that matter.) I was oblivious to the dangers of the world, which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever since I have lived in major urban centers most of my life (until now).

Or, possibly, in my former life I would’ve just called the police in the FIRST PLACE!?

By necessity, I have taken full responsibility for keeping my family (and goats) safe. Electric fences, guard dogs, guns, flashlights. I now chase bats AND MICE all by myself, too. 

I’ve always had a hard time asking people for help. I suppose I believe it is my duty as a mother-of-many to "Hold Down The Fort," because other people can’t be trusted to do it (right?). 

This is clearly not a good lesson to teach my children. They need to know and accept their own limits (which are many, believe me), and they need to know HOW to ask someone for help. I need to model that behavior for them.

So now, maybe now, I will ease up a little and trust someone else to help me. Next time, David – NEXT time -- the next time the dog barks at 1:30 am, you’re coming outside with me! Keep your PJs, flashlight and shoes at the ready. We are more effective as a team. And the dog will help us, too.

I'm gonna try...