Sunday, February 14, 2016

True Love on the Goat Farm

(Another guest blogger today... David! Just in time for Valentine's Day.)

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting butt-down in the middle of a goat field… and it’s raining.

I’m not sure how I got here…. Well, I know how I got HERE.  I was busy feeding the goat herd while A.G. and children were off to Disneyland.  I was trying to avoid being herded by Google, the overprotective mama Great Pyrenees, when I slipped right down into the muddy field while carrying a bucket of grain.  Crap! And only feet away from the safety of the heated barn.  The herd was acting like they were on a field trip to a corn chip factory.  The sleepiness of the morning was interrupted by the chewing of cud and the loud growling noises coming from the rumen of each goat.  The growling noises were coming two to three times each minute… whew, good healthy herd. 

"So So" is trying to avoid the mud, too

The sounds of the feeding frenzy were suddenly interrupted by my cell phone ringing.  Yes, my connection back to the civilized world.  The caller asks for a bottle of magnesium citrate for a constipated hospital patient.  In the words of Charlie Brown… aaugh!
With this fast-forward to my world of reality, I again ask the question, how did I get here?

I grew up in a small town in Northern California.  Went to College then on to Medical School.  I have been living in a beautiful old Edwardian home in the downtown area in Wine Country.  My son just graduated College.  I have a Havanese puppy named Hatch (from old Hebrew word that means “Beginning”). 

(he might look like this... if
he didn't live on a farm now)
It was truly a new beginning for me and it has been almost 17 months since by world changed forever. Many thanks to my 21st century Yenta, Neil Clark Warren and his “29 dimensions of compatibility” and development of the eHarmony website.

It was about that time that I opened an eHarmony account and posted a profile, not quite knowing what to expect.  I’m not used to talking about myself, let alone broadcast it out on the airways for everyone to see.  As I began to complete my profile, I realized right away that my Driver’s License photo just wouldn’t cut it as a profile picture.  I settled on a selfie after talking myself out of a picture with either my dog, or my son... not bad ideas, since I was hoping to meet someone who likes animals and who had some experience with raising children.

So, I submitted my picture and completed the various profile questions and with profile completed, I started the process of looking to begin the rest of my life, to meet my Princess Charming (“This time, this time, everything  everything will be alright.”)
Well, after a few days, I received a post from A.G. Not only beautiful, but she had the world’s greatest smile.  We shared many things in common – graduate school education, financially secure, and, she has dogs and cats and “has kids at home.”   At the time, my son was 22 years old and out of the house.  A.G. was younger than me and I figured that meant she must have a child or two just finishing High School.  No problem, I could do that.

compatibility...goat style
We got through the “Quick Questions” section without difficulty.  Then we had to provide each other with “Makes or Breaks.”  The “must haves” include questions of kindness, communication, affection, loyalty, and if you want somebody who is emotionally healthy.  The “Can’t Stands” gives you a chance to tell the other person that you can’t stand qualities such as infidelity, laziness, poor hygiene, racism or use of illegal drugs…. Really?

A.G. and I were looking pretty good together after these two sections, and then we addressed the “Dig Deeper “questions.  This section lets you give more complete answers to questions you either choose from a list, or ones that you make up.  Question:  What is your relationship with your Mother?  Bad question, mom died a number of years ago.  Have to avoid that one.  However, I enjoyed asking the question, “What items do you have in your refrigerator?”  Clearly, if the answer is tofu, lemongrass and soymilk…. we can stop the process right there. A.G. had all the right answers, lettuce, chicken, yogurt and wine… my kind of gal.

The email responses were followed by a phone call and then an agreement to meet.  I arrived early and sat down at the table.  Well…. wended up closing the restaurant down that night.  And, the good night kiss… her foot popped just like Mia in “The Princes Diaries.” 

I did get to hear about the children (SEVEN!) and appreciate her love for animals (GOAT HERD !!! Cats !!! Dogs !!!)  When we met and I realized real soon that I did meet my Princess Charming.

On our third date, we had dinner with her daughter, Elizabeth. It was a typical night out with a pre-teen.  Before dessert was served, I correctly (I guess) answered the questions, ”Are you going to sleep over tonight?”  And “Are you going to marry my mother.”
I got to meet the other children a few weeks later.  I picked A.G. up at her house and I think that was the first time realized the immensity of the situation.

Still, it didn’t scare me off…

Not even the questions from the teenager when she asked about the size of my male organ… swirling through my brain is the knowledge that size doesn’t matter and that physiologically, size can vary due to arousal time, time of day, room temperature, etc.  TMI.  This is where my experience having had a child came in handy with regards to how to appropriately respond to this question.

A.G. also has a list of rules that she lives by, only three on her list, though.  Rule #2, “You cannot un-know it.”  That notion lives in my mind as I continue to get questions like the one noted above.
So, how is it that I find myself, sitting on my butt, in the middle of a goat field?

I fell in love with a beautiful, honest, loyal, intelligent woman who has a code of honor that she lives by; who is raising seven wonderful children who are admirably independent and have strong sense of family; and, who has 39… wait, 40… wait, 41 pygmy goats and a herd of other four-legged creatures whose names I’m still trying to master.

I think back about another rule follower, television persona Jethro Gibbs, who has about 50 rules that he follows.  Rule #39, “There is no such thing as coincidence.”  Rule #8, “Never take anything for granted.”  And, my favorite, Rule # 5, “You don’t waste good.”  He also said, “Never second guess yourself in a relationship and life.”
So, I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that A.G. and I finally met and I’m not going to take this opportunity for granted.  And I’m not going to waste great. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.

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