He's at it again, The Winged Menace. I’ve been doing more research about Guinea
Fowl online and I am finding more and more articles titled things like “Fourteen Reasons
Not To Raise Guinea Fowl.” Stupid is
usually high up on the list.
Rather than go into that analysis again, I refer you, dear reader, to my
previous post “The Winged Menace (Part1)."
A quick summary: Purple (my guinea fowl) chases cars down the road and then veers into
the winery next door where he harasses well-heeled tourists who have never seen
such a strange bird. My crazy
bird is now stopping traffic on the road in front of my
house.
This is my open letter to those drivers:
First of all, thank you so much for not running down my crazy-assed bird. He’s not the brightest cookie in the crayon box so I really do appreciate you taking the initiative. He’s the lone survivor of our flock of 20, so he holds a special place in our hearts (kind of).
I see that you are stopped dead in your tracks, with a crazed Guinea Fowl running laps around your car. Chances are you don't even know what the hell kind of bird that is. Two more cars have screeched to a halt behind you; their drivers are gesticulating wildly because they don't see the bird blocking your path. I'm pretty sure the other cars won't rear-end you. At least, I hope not.
In the iconic words of the Talking Heads (May 1986), “… you may ask yourself--Well…How did I get here?” Here are some ideas.
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| Bugs |
- Maybe the bird’s hungry? He’s down there pecking the bugs out of your grill and off of your tire rims. Don't worry, though - your car will be fine. He will not ruin the paint job OR pop the tires. Phew.
- Maybe the bird’s vain and/or lonely? He’s checking himself out in the reflection of your clean car. Does he think its a girlfriend?
- Maybe the bird thinks you are an invader? He is squawking up a storm. LEAVE! LEAVE! LEAVE!
- Maybe the bird’s just on some sort of power trip? “Aha! The metal beast submits to my superior avian will! I shall conquer the world!”
- Maybe the bird’s just stupid? Yep.
I think the real reason that The Winged Menace has stopped you
on the road is:
Because. He. Can.
I know that you just saw me speed away toward the stoplight, and
you probably think I am a wicked, bird-hating person. Some of you will even catch up to me and pull
me over to tell me that my “weird turkey bird” is in the road (yes, thanks, I
see that). But here’s the thing: once
you stop, you are trapped.
Purple epitomizes the word “Survivor.” Just keep going! DO NOT STOP!
The bird will move – he has every time… so far.
With most sincere thanks,
AG
